Our beautiful son Killian O. Duffey was 19 years old when he died on Novemeber 17, 2007, from an overdose of alcohol and Xanax. Killian was attending Glendale Community College full time and had achieved a 3.0 before he died. He had finished interviewing for a job and was expecting a call to go to work the next week. Our son was bright, sweet hearted and a friend to everyone he met. He was cherished by the almost six hundred people who attended his memorial and many more who were not able to attend. His sister Ashley, age 26 and brother Keegan, age 19 grieve for the brother they will not grow old with every day of their lives. How do you put your life back together after a devastating loss such as this? Our lives are forever changed. We must find a new life without Killian's beautiful smile and contagious laughter to encourage us and cheer our days.
When your child begins this journey of drug abuse it can begin in subtle ways that you may not notice until there is a serious problem. The friends may not change when drug use begins, the hygiene habits may not change when drug use begins, eating habits may not change when drug use begins and sleep habits may not change when drug use begins. Such was the case with Killian. While many of the “typical” warning signs were not apparent, Killian did begin to be more short tempered and lose perspective when life threw him a curve ball.
I tested him for drugs twice and both times he came up positive for Pot. The first time we took the car keys, no going out, but friends could come over. After two months he was allowed these privileges again. The second time, six months later, we told him he had to go to counseling or he would have to move out. He went to counseling twice and then said he didn't need to go anymore. He was 18 by then so we told him he could stay at home if he got a job and went to college full time. He agreed to do this. By all appearances he was doing the normal life of emancipation we as parents all pray our children will one day embrace. He limited his partying to the weekends and always came home sober and free from smelling of alcohol. We stayed up until he got home at 1:00 a.m. which was his curfew. He was required to come home at night, no overnights anywhere. Six months before Killian died he began pushing the curfew, arguing incessantly about not liking our rules and wanting to do as he pleased. We thought that was pretty normal stuff for a young man his age still living at home. What we noticed most was the change in his personality when he was just hanging out at the house; the apathy and listlessness. As concerned parents we asked him what was going on and how could we help him. He always said he was fine and he could handle things. Every night when he came home I was thankful he came home and was sober.
He began making reckless choices in the fall of 2007 and I knew he was not telling us everything that was going on. We suspected that he was using drugs with his girlfriend and friends he had known since 6th grade. He took some Somas in August and sideswiped a parked car, came home one night high on Xanax and was taken to the ER until they stabilized him. He went to the doctor the next week and got anti-depressants, taking them only a week because he didn't like the way they made him feel. I asked him again and again how can I help you to be happier about where your future plans are going. Each time he would say he just wanted to finish college and get a job.
Killian had a heart for what we came to call "the broken arrows" of his friends and seemed to thrive on listening to others problems and helping them. Who was "HELPING" my son? His friends today are still brokenhearted, still grieving and carrying the guilt of "why didn't I stop him from using the drugs, or tell his Mom or not use the drugs with him myself?" Killian's motto was "Live Life for Today". He loved his family and friends deeply. He also believed the lie that "if I wake up the next morning from partying, I must be able to handle it". Please help me make a difference in someone's life because my Killian lost his.